No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
