i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize