Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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