i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
