I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dick very happy bro
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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