Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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