Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
