Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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