I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
as a side note pls kill me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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