hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
