All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
