I heard we made out
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
