please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
