im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
