I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
