Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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