Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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