I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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