Please, let me fuck your mom
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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