38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
