I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
