Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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