You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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