I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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