just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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