I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
