I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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