I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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