we have officially lost it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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