well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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