Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Screwed.edu
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
