I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
