gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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