can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
