Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
