dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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