so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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