Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
