Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
