tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
