triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
