I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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