Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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