Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What a dumb baby whore.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
