meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
