just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
