I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
