I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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