I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
