Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
