dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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