Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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