She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
