where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a hot homeless man
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
