They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
