Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
