That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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