Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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