I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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