I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize