I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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