Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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