Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
