Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
