Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
