I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize