your thong is hanging out like whoa
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
