i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
