The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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