If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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