One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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