how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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