They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
