you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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