I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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