well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
