I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
