btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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