paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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